WORDS!!!

It was always taught that words don't hurt.  The old phrase, "stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," was often recited when we were young and someone said something mean. You just knew that phrase was the end all be all.  My have times changed.  We are living in a day and age where words damage people's lives in so many ways.  There is the example from 2012 where a school bus monitor in Greece, NY, a suburb of Rochester, NY was bullyied by the students on the school bus. Many people came to her aid, in the end raising over $800,000 allowing her to retire from her job.  Fast forward to 2013 and Paula Dean's use of certain words ended up costing her millions of dollars in endorsement deals and destroying a multimillion dollar brand.

The above examples deal with someone gaining money and someone losing money because of words.  Grant it, no one wants to lose money but it can always be made again.  In most cases the outcome isn't that simple.  What about those that are brutally beaten over the use of words?  What about those that commit suicide because they felt so low from someone else's use of words against them? What about those that are killed because someone didn't like the words that someone else spewed?  So, why are we using words to destroy us?  We all have been an aggressor of words at one point or another in our lives. No one is exempt.  However, one thing I do know is that I am willing to be transparent enough to know that I am willing to do my best at dropping those negative words and turning them into positive words.  Words like grow, challenge, strength, love, prosper, help, proud, winners, beautiful, greatness, joy, happiness, freedom, courage, fellowship, admiration, inspire, succeed, etc.  Words that will allow the next person, regardless of race, creed, religion, or culture to feel as important as God purposed all of us to to feel when he crafted us.  Words can end a situation badly or words can bridge differences together.  So choose your words wisely so that they can help lift us up instead of tearing each other down.

"WHAT IF?"

What If, a question that I know I am not alone when I say, that I've asked myself this question many times in life.  What if I did this, what if I did that?  There are times in my life in which I have asked myself these "what if" questions due to the fact that I may not be pleased with certain circumstances or situations that are taking place.  What If I would have went to college straight out of high school?  Would I be the lawyer or the accountant that I once thought I would be?  What if my dad was actually drafted by the New York Mets and my family lived in an affluent neighborhood?  Would I have everything that I want?  What if I hadn't looked up while my friend's boyfriend was driving over that bridge heading to the Seneca Niagara Casino? Would I even be here to ask these what if questions?

As I'm sure what if questions will be questions I continue to ask myself, I am able to put things in perspective.  Regardless of whether or not I went to college right after high school, or if my dad was drafted by the New York Mets and I grew up in an affluent neighborhood, or if I had not lifted my head up to prevent an accident from happening and possibly stopping the car from flipping over the bridge, the fact of the matter remains, life will always provide valuable experiences and lessons, regardless of what circumstances I'm in.  Where ever I am in life, whatever situation that occurs, I must always remember that God knows what's going to happen before it happens.  I am the only one in shock, amazement, and disbelief.  I'm not in these situations for nothing.  They are there to teach me something.  As I may not like the situations at the time, I know they are preparing me for something greater!  

So when you have those what if questions, just keep in my mind that during your current circumstance you are living, learning and experiencing life, and you are being prepared for something much greater.

Unique Vizunz

Change Clothes

With the Spring season underway, it is time to change clothes.  Away with the heavy coats, boots, sweaters, hats and gloves.  It's time to break out the sandals, shoes, capris, skirts, and light jackets.  Just as we change clothes for each season, we need to "change clothes" in our daily lives.  Let me explain.  Many people adopt the "I will never change attitude," or the "I am who I am mantra," but in essence, if we stayed the same we would never find out what we are capable of.

Take the four season's for instance, if we stayed in winter clothing in the summertime we would be hot, uncomfortable and be overly dressed.  If we kept summer clothes on in the winter, we would be underdressed and freeze to death (especially here in Rochester). Also lets face it, we would probably look like fools.  In life, we must "change clothes" in order to evolve as individuals and to make progressive change in our world.  Discard the items that are keeping your heart cold and dull.  Replace them with warm, welcoming garments that console and arouse your spirits.  Unleash the items that make you burn up when you wear them on your sleeves.  Start wearing items that are more fitting and comfortable according to your season.  Un-peel those layers of clothing and update your wardrobe.  There's nothing worse than keeping old items that literally just take up space and no longer have any usage.  We "change clothes" everyday. We "change clothes" from one season to the next.  What makes you think that you shouldn't "change clothes" too?  Be courages in your efforts to change and to make changes in and around you.

Unique Vizunz

CBS's Criminal Minds Takes on Child Sexual Abuse

Tonight it just so happened that I was home to catch the latest episode of Criminal Minds on CBS.  On this episode of Criminal Minds, Morgan, played by actor Shemar Moore, and his Behavioral Analysis Unit team (B.A.U.) are investigating some murders taking place in his home town of Chicago.  Upon one of the murder scenes, a message is left by the killer, "Look up to the sky." This statement immediately triggers a flashback in Morgan's memory.  Morgan gathers all of the fellow investigators back to headquarters and explain to them what this statement means to him.  Morgan begins telling everyone the story of how his football coach, Carl Buford, played by actor Julius Tennon, sexually molested him at a cabin that Buford took him to.  Buford would tell Morgan to take it like a man and look up to the sky and proceed to molest Morgan.

Upon further investigations and interviews, Morgan finally confronts Buford whom is now in prison for  multiple murders.  Morgan needs to find out who else besides himself did Buford molest based on the statement left at the crime scene.  At first Buford refuses, but Morgan plays the hand that he was dealt and tells Buford that if he doesn't give him the names of those he molested, the other prisoners will know the real reason he is in prison.  Buford reaction changes as he is well aware of what happens to child molesters in prison and provides Morgan with the information.

Eventually, Morgan starts putting the pieces to the puzzle together and finds the killer of the multiple recent murders.  The man accused of the killings was also a victim of Buford when he was younger.

In the end as B.A.U. brings in the accused killer, the press are all over awaiting statements.  Morgan takes over speaking to the press as another colleague states that the reason the man committed the murders was because he was a victim of child sexual abuse.  Morgan makes it clear to the press and everyone listening that a vast majority of child sexual abuse victims do not become perpetrators of sexual abuse nor criminals.  He knows because he himself was molested by Buford.  Morgan goes on to say that most victims go on in life and become courages and wanting to help others.

As April is Child Abuse Awareness month, I applaud CBS and the writers of Criminal Minds for taking on this important subject matter.  This is an epidemic that plagues our young children each day.  1 in every 4 girls and 1 in every 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Many of those children do not disclose sexual abuse.  Many children grow up to become adults with serious emotional and psychological problems affecting their daily lives.  I am not sure what the answer is to deplete this problem, but raising awareness is key, along with letting people know that they can overcome this. Yes, this was a fictional story, however, it is the reality for many children and adults.

I am doing my part in raising awareness and providing support.  If you are in the Rochester, NY area and are affected from the remnants of child sexual abuse, please join me on April 27, 2013, for "An Evening of Support."  This event is geared to provide support for those still affected by child sexual abuse. Please email me for further details (lakeisha@uniquevizunz.com) or see flier below.

GUN VIOLENCE

On April 10, 2012 I woke up to a dead phone due to me not placing it on the charger the night before.  Once, I plugged my phone into the charger, texts messages started coming in and missed call notifications.  I automatically knew something was wrong.  I had about eight missed calls.  The text messages read, “BOO-BOO was shot and killed last night!”  Lawrence Richardson, or “BOO-BOO”, as our family affectionately called him, was only 22 years old.  BOO-BOO along with two other young males were standing in front of a house on Dayton Street in the city of Rochester, NY where all three were shot multiple times.  Unfortunately BOO-BOO succumbed to his wounds and died that night.

            On December 14, 2012 in Newtown, Connecticut a gunman by the name of Adam Lanza opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School (SHES) fatally shooting 20 innocent children and 6 teachers.  This was after Adam had already fatally shot his mother some miles away. 

            The two scenarios above are different because of the individuals involved, time in which the shootings occurred, cities in which they happened.  But one thing that is constant and is the common denominator is gun violence.  Everyone in this country, and all over this world for that matter, was impacted by the SHES shooting.  Who could have the audacity to walk into an elementary school and start shooting?  How could someone come to that point in their life to do such a thing?  These are questions we all wondered why as we watched day in and day out the following week or two in disgust of about what happened.  We all were hurt, sadden, disgusted, angry, and consoling as we watched the story unfold.  Even if you don’t have children, such as I, you still felt a pain that was indescribable.  Innocent children, innocent adults killed for no reason.  As Americans could not phantom the reality of someone walking into a school and killing children, people started calling for gun control laws trying to combat unnecessary violence from the use of guns.  The country began to react to gun violence because of SHES shooting and rightfully so.

            I agree with the country to a certain extent.  Yes, something needs to be done about gun violence.  Look at how many random shootings that are occurring because people are getting their hands on guns and deciding to use that lethal weapon thinking it will solve their problems.  My dissatisfaction however, comes with the majority of our country only wanting gun control laws due to these random shootings that happen in schools, malls, or movie theaters.  No, none of these shootings should occur, but neither should the shootings in the inner cities.  My cousin BOO-BOO was not in an elementary school when he was shot and killed, he was in front of an abandon house on a city street.  Does that mean that his death, or any death in inner cities for that matter resulting from gun violence, any less important than that of the SHES shooting? 

            I won’t speak for anyone else, but I’m sure many people that live in these cities affected by gun violence on a daily basis wanted something done about guns long before the SHES shooting occurred.  Does anyone care that children in the inner cities are dying each and everyday because of the guns that are on our streets?  Most of these guns are illegal guns coming from the suburbs into the city.  Why isn’t there a concern about these guns and having some type of gun control laws on illegal guns?  Inner city kids are as equally important as children living in Newtown, Connecticut.  No child, no matter what race, should succumb to such violence.  It just sickens me that young African American and Hispanic children are not treated with the same importance as young white children are in regards to gun violence. 

            Whether you’re in Rochester, NY where 36 homicides occurred in 2012 and the city is second behind Buffalo, NY (49 homicides 2012) in an uninhibited race to the top of the list as the cities with the most homicides per capita in the state of New York.  Or if you’re in Chicago, IL where the homicide rate in 2012 reached 532.  Or even in Newtown, CT where the murder rate was 26 in 2012, gun violence leaves everlasting psychological affects on families, friends and the communities in which we live.  One murder is too many, regardless of where it happens.  Those affected by gun violence that don’t receive national attention and national sympathy still suffer from the psychological affects that accompanies gun violence. 

            This is not an attack on SHES by any means.  My heart ached just as much as anyone else hearing that devastating news last year.  But my heart also ached when I saw those text messages on April 10, 2012, just as my heart aches when I hear about countless gun violence that occurs in inner cities everyday and not one word of gun violence or gun reform is uttered for those lives.  

http://youtu.be/XittQH4RBB0

            

504: MADE IT THROUGH

On January 7, 2013 I embarked on my second year of participating in The Father’s House 504 Journey.  504 as it is known, is held at the beginning of the year for 21 days.  It is a spiritual fast that allows you to become closer to God.  Everyone that participates chooses his or her own fast.  Weather it be the Ultimate Fast, where you are consuming just water, fasting from something that takes up a lot of your time, such as Facebook or television, or something that you think you can’t live without but chose to give up.  Whatever your choice of fasting, it is between you and God.  I chose to do Daniels Fast.  While doing the Daniel’s Fast you can eat fruits, vegetables, legumes, brown rice, sunflower seeds, olive oil, vinegar, and popped popcorn.  You cannot consume any diary, meat, eggs, sweets, bread, caffeine, or anything containing sugars and yeast. 

            Last year I thought I followed the restrictions correctly but as I learned from this year, I didn’t.  It wasn’t until after I did further research on the Daniel’s Fast that I found out about the sugar and yeast.  I was more concerned about the sugar than anything else as yeast is usually labeled yeast.  But when we think of sugar, we think of obvious sweets and our traditional table sweets.  Often times we don’t take into consideration the sugar that is a part of the ingredients of those foods.  Some of the names you may be familiar with, some you may not.  High Fructose Corn Syrup, Dextrose, Maltrodextrin, Dextran, Bartley Malt, Sucrose, Rifners Syrup, Maltose, Glucose Solids, Fructose; these are just a few of the many different names for sugar that is added into our foods.  Last year I purchased a lot of vegan foods but didn’t realize I needed to take those foods into account as well.   Despite this, I still give myself credit because I had never done a fast of any kind, I didn’t eat any meat, and God knew my efforts and saw me through.          

            This year was much different.  For those three weeks my primary shopping was done at Rochester’s Public Market.  I stocked up on fresh fruits and vegetables.  Sweet potatoes were my favorite.  I learned that sweet potatoes are one of the best vegetables to consume.  I copied one of Amy’s Bowls and made brown rice, with mushrooms, black-eyed peas and broccoli, this was one of my main entrees.  I ate cabbage for the first week.  I then decided to make it for the third week, by that time, I was all cabbaged out!  I mixed it up a bit, with some stuffed peppers.   Before anyone goes off the deep end and say, “ I thought meat wasn’t included”meat wasn’t.  Stuff peppers can be made with whatever you desire.  I chose to stuff them with brown rice, corn, onions, mushrooms, and kidney beans, mixed with tomato paste or tomato sauce. 

            As I talk about what I ate throughout this Fast, I also did what I was supposed to do during this Fast.  I sought and listened to God.  Losing weight has been a struggle for me.  In 2011, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic.  I was able to eat better and exercise more and lose 25 pounds in order to get out of the pre-diabetic stage.  As that year passed, I began to get more comfortable and some of the weight starting creeping back on.  Well, during this year’s fast, I felt as if God was giving me exactly what I had been asking for.  He was showing me the way to lose the weight.  Yes, I’ve lost some weight, but this time was different.  This time around he gave me the continued strength, knowledge, and courage to continue on after the fast.  I hear him clearly now as to what I need to do in order to better my Temple.  I lost 13 pounds from November until the end of the Fast.  I know the fasting played the biggest role in me losing along with exercising. 

            Even though I am off the fast and back to eating regular food, I feel more assured, more confidence, more positive, more empowered on my weight loss journey.  God gave me the tools and it is up to me to utilize them to move forward.  No it won’t be easy as there are temptations all around, but when my heart is set on something, coupled with God’s guidance, there isn’t a temptation in this world that is going to stop me!   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JXFg5KEoXg

My thoughts: The Penn State Allegations

In the midst of the unfortunate Penn State scandal unfolding, I have been listening to radio interviews, reading court documents, and watching media outlets radio interviews, to stay abreast of the allegations brought fourth against Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State defensive coordinator and founder of The Second Mile non-profit organization. It is with Great disgust as a victim of child molestation, as a sports fan, and as a human being that I need to speak my piece on this matter.

As I first heard the news a few weeks ago about the Penn State Scandal, my feelings have even developed into much more anger and disgust. Here you have a grown man, a major figure at a highly ranked university, a non profit organizer, who had the audacity to take advantage of underprivileged children to which the organization was supposed to be helping. The Second Mile's tag-line reads-"Providing Children with Help and Hope," and their mission-"To help young people, particularly those in need to achieve their potential." Sandusky clearly did not succeed in the organization's mission, in fact, he provided more reason for those young individuals to suffer more and be worse off than when they came to the organization for the help they were supposedly going to be provided with. Mr. Sandusky, sexual abuse is not the way you provide children and young youth with the opportunity to reach their potential. You took away those innocent years by enforcing your sick demonic ways onto them.

I sat here this evening and listened to the Rock Center interview Sandusky conducted via telephone with Bob Costas and could not believe what I was hearing. He stated on a few occasions in the interview that he showered with young boys. Whom in their right mind would shower with young children and think that its ok? Bob Costas asked if he had a liking for young boys and he couldn't answer that question straight up. Sandusky says, "I enjoy young people's company"...what the fuck? Nah, that isn't going to fly Mr. Sandusky. When asked if the grad intern caught you in the shower having sexual intercourse you said no but I did take a shower with the child and "horse played" around with him, slapping him on his but with a towel. When asked if it were true if a janitor caught him performing oral sex on a child, Sandusky says that's not true. Bob Costa asked, "well why would these people that say they caught you lie and say these things" Sandusky says, I don't know you'd have to ask them. Not very convincing or the sounds of innocence at all! Nor is this normal behavior for a grown man.

Please let me not forget the Graduate assistant that allegedly saw these actions taking place. I guess he thought he did the right thing by going to tell Joe Paterno about what he saw. No, fail again Penn State alum. What he should have done was go and whoop Sanduky's ass on sight, then call the cops. That's sure ass hell what I would have done or any other morally and ethically sane human being. In my opinion he is just as sick as Sandusky. Moving on from the grad assistant, let me go to the head coach, Mr. Paterno. Mr. Paterno, the face of the institution, decided to go to the Athletic Director and say something. Did it not occur to him that this is of a serious matter and needed to be handled as such. What could have gone through these people minds as they received this type of news and did not go straight to authorities? It seems they all felt as if the reputation of the university, the reputation of those adult individuals was more important than the lives of those children. What is done in the dark comes to light. Karma is a mutha! As they all are witnessing now.

As, I may have stronger feelings than most in regards to this issue, I know that mostly everyone out there can understand how child sexual abuse affects children from the time of the occurrence of the abuse until adulthood and even further. As in most cases of abuse, and especially when there are public figures and institutions involved, the victims are overlooked. Penn State's reputation and image has been rocked, Joe Paterno's legacy has been tarnished, but those victims will forever remain with the horrific reality of what took place in their childhood and is now being exposed publicly.

I believe in speaking out in order to raise awareness for child sexual abuse. This is an epidemic that continues to spread rapidly. It is shun upon in many cultures and not talked about. But the truth of the matter remains that child sexual abuse happens more often than anyone thinks and wants to acknowledge. Every six minutes, a child is sexually abused in this country. Two-hundred forty children are sexually abused each day. One in four girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. So, as we go about our everyday lives and do our normal activities, there is a child somewhere out there being sexually abused, being robbed of their innocence, and changing their lives forever. Just think, it may even be happening or has happened in your family. What will it take for you to stand against child sexual abuse?